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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Its a woman who somewhere ruins another....many a times

I am sure that the comments section I have have comments that would be sarcastic and opposing this view, but anyhow from my thoughts on multiple issues I am surprised that I have reached this conclusion. Sadly it is true and I will be very happy if alternate perspectives can change my opinion. I still wish to believe being a woman myself that we are the kinder sex full of love, passion and compassion as we are portrayed. However there have been terrible events in and around all of us and if you look closely somewhere it is a woman responsible in many cases, in turn history though for the wrong reasons believe that a woman is the root cause of evil. Well not true, I don't feel that Draupadi caused the Mahabharata or Sita the end of Ravana, it was lust for beauty or power that killed them, I speak here about the demons that have engulfed Indian homes in the name of Indian culture, customs and tradition. The very demons that have led to major issues in society and a huge block towards progress of the female sex. If you see rural India and tell me that women are empowered and equal to men, it would be the most cruel joke ever. 
Living in such an imbalanced society where you despite of being a woman have the liberty to live life by your choices but the women around you are not , makes you think and ponder why. On many such occasions I have found many views. Most of the old school patriarchal society which teaches a woman right from the day she is born to respect men in their family and when she is past puberty she is taught that her "future husband" is like God and its living upto his and his family member's likings that she should mould herself to. But why not the opposite? Why is she not considered as an equal, why are men in the family not expected to pay attention to her wishes, why is a man not taught to respect his sister, his mother, his wife? 

My observation says that in a lot of cases the culprit behind this inequality is the mother. In most Indian families a son is more preferred sex and not a daughter. A daughter is never considered the heir and the struggle to have a male child continues. Reason is though the daughter carries the DNA she surely doesn't carry the last name and that wins over DNA in the mindset of the society. The daughter is treated as an inferior sex in her own home. She is never given preference in anything be it education, freedom or even the choice of food that is being cooked. If she is not treated as an equal in her own family will she ever be able to have the esteem to redeem her status later in her husbands family. Certainly we know what the answer is.

The more tragic state of affairs which triggers me to write this is the increasing number of killings because of dowry or the mother-in -law torturing the daugther-in -law. According to the 2013 statistics published in The Telegraph,  a woman is killed every hour in India becuase of "Dowry". Is it really worth it? Why cant people especially the "mother-in-law" treat the respective daughter in law as their daughters. How could a woman be so selfish that she could kill another practically her child's age just for materialistic gains. Ofcourse we have seen from various reports that even very educated women go through and suffer this, so enabling women with education certainly isn;t the solution. The solution is treating your daughter equal to your son and if you can't kill her in that vessel full of milk the day she is born, that would be kinder rather than killing her 25 years later because she cannot stand upto the injustice done to her is certainly the most heinous crime a mother knowingly or unknowingly commits.

So if you cannot treat your daugther equal to your son, If you cannot teach your son to treat his sister as an equal and to respect her, then you donot deserve to be a mother of the "girl child". On the contrary if you be the change today, the world can certainly be a better place to live. 


  1. I agree to each word you've penned down, Nimi. The society indeed is hypocrite and double faced, if a girl becomes famous and achieves something big in life, she suddenly becomes pride of the house, the locality and the city, but if she chooses a simple life, she's discriminated, depressed and oppressed. Hypocrisy gained a new level when Ludhiana acid attack came to light where a woman plotted death of a bride-to-be, in rage of her divorce with the elder brother of the prospective groom. Shame! If we stand for each other, no man will have the courage to suppress us on the name of weaker sex... But sadly, such a change will take years as at the back end of the mind, mentality still remains the same... Very nice post anyways :)

    1. That is horrible to hear, the society we live in is inhuman. Thank you for reading the post.

  2. Very thought-provoking article Nimi!
    Unfortunately, sometimes, it's true. Maybe because of our eccentric social structure, jealousy (Strangely, a woman is jealous of another woman, never a man and this itself supports the thought of inequality) or revenge (For not being treated well)

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  4. Mostly true. But then there are some views you would rather wish were false, but no. If I might add a few points it all stems from the possessive attitude of women and their instinctual need to be stuck to a man to survive. If you look closer, a mother in law pushes a daughter in law to madness because it is a glorified custody battle of the son. She is afraid of losing the control she has over her own son and relinquishing it to some woman. Same way a mother thinks a daughter is a lesser being because she can't support her in her 'old age'. This is due to the fact that these ladies have been taught in their childhood that a woman is dependent on a man at all phases of her life. First her father / brother, then her husband, finally her sons. Being born in a liberal household where I am celebrated for being a girl, it took me long to actually understand the sufferings of a fellow woman. This article nails it!

  5. I completely agree with what you have written here.. word to word. I angered my Mom one day when I had told her this - a woman is the worst enemy for a woman. Mother in law daughter in law, sisters-in-law, my own experience of working with female bosses.. the list is too long. Though being a woman I can understand the insecurities they have which make them behave like this but at the same time there is a tiny desire in me that they would also understand what I would be feeling or going through which rarely happens. Compassion is long lost and what remains is bitterness. Maybe it is the pain of not being able to which becomes bitterness ensuring no one else is able to... I feel sad very sad to see such state of affairs and it hurts a lot.

  6. Hello Nimi, I don't know why you thought people will oppose you in this view point. Each one of us is aware about this fact, except the media who are really living in a different world.
    The reason why girls are suffering through this bad situation where they face dowry, rape etc is 'women'.
    I really agree the fact that it's the fault of the mother. If as a mother, you cannot teach your son to respect women or you cannot teach your daughter to maintain her self respect, you don't really deserve to be a mother!
    The main reason behind this kind of behavior with women is women and none can deny that!