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Monday, December 1, 2014

Handsome Is ...If Handsome Shaves: The Scientific Groom Selection

The wedding season is on in India now, and four years ago around this time we were on groom hunting mission for my cousin sister. Most of the guys whose bio-data we liked were selected on three standard Indian parameters looks, education and family background. I always believed that most people found their love in life themselves and got married, and handsome guys either are committed, a myth or gay. However, to my surprise there were many eligible bachelors applying. Since my cousin was a PhD in Civil Engineering and w throughout gold medalist (and most people in my family are like that) the bar was set very high. Since ages this had been the case.

Our foiba (bua) as we Gujjus love to call our paternal aunt was insistent on looks. She said you never know what the person is like in an arranged marriage and a few meets cannot tell you that so bet on looks. A man who looks good and shaves clean has a clean heart and that is the one to go for, this was her sermon from her wizened mind, experienced with aging. The preaching was substantiated by the fact that her grey hair and 100% success at match fixing in marriages. Nobody would ever dare contradict her and my PhD sister would of course relied on this highly reproducible, consistent success of my aunts experiments. However amusing her logic might be that a man who shaves clean has a clean heart, it had a scientific underlying principle which was "Body hair are remnants of evolution, animalistic features that we haven't got rid of despite of thousands of year since humans differentiated from monkeys. Therefore a man who doesn't shave has animalistic instincts within him." Well of course this would scare anyone. Being raised in a family of scholars my cousins choice was a well groomed, soft spoken thorough gentleman and now thanks to my aunt a well shaved guy too.

I wouldn't say it was an easy process to select for her solely because of her qualification, which most guys failed to match. Now rarely we would find one that would be the right one for her. Once we met a guy who looked compatible and so we decided to meet their family on Diwali day. This dude had done his MBA from Germany and foreigners score an an Ace with Gujjus immediately. We all looked forward to the match. As I was around, my cousin who was very shy asked me to stick around her. The guy was alright but alas! he hadn't shaved. Foiba gave him looks that would instantly incinerate him. She told me quietly "What kind of guy doesn't shave? and that too on an auspicious Diwali Day".  He seemed fine and the talk began. They were given their time to discuss while the parents discussed more important practical details of the settlement if they marry. Well If you are wondering how was my aunt quiet? She was signaled to be since her obsession of the clean shave had rejected good proposal with the lightest stubble. Well you cant blame her but she had been warned as my cousin was turning 29 and my otherwise orthodox uncle trying to evolve into a modern father had reached his limits of tolerance and patience. 

After she spoke to him, she said all was well. However the guy intended to marry as soon as possible. While my cousin had 6 months to an year to go before she submitted her thesis and got a degree (it is not easy and very uncertain a process). All was well and the parents were okay with her continuing with her studies in the hostel and the dude going back to his work place in Germany. The guy wanted a wife fast and in my opinion an year isn't too long as long as the match is fixed or you marry if you are so insecure. We left it up to them. Well if you think Foiba was supportive, no she acted Sherlock trying to find a minimal flaw in the unshaven guy to just blow it off. Well she didn't have to, once people started convincing him as the parents approved the match he just spoke "Well what is a PhD anyways? What do you think are you going to get out of it? Just leave it and join me after marriage in Germany." I was very much there and how could he just say that? Anyways, I responded fast for our community of PhD students in a simple line "If its that easy why don't you have one?" Long story short my the match was cancelled with foiba's sermon "I told you so, the animalistic instinct was there in him? Which gentleman will be unsupportive if he claims to have a qualified wife? He was just a despo wanting everything fast."

Well if you are wondering my cousin sister got married with her handsome and foiba's clean shaved prince, well yes she did. Six months post this incident they met at a relatives wedding, my bua herself fixed it. He waited till she finished her doctorate, which by the way got delayed as her guide passed away and now they live happily in Mumbai. He is a true gentleman a thoroughly supportive person that every modern woman with a career can dream of. Scientific logic never fails! If you are looking for a groom do think about it.

So if you are somebody who wishes to impress me than please grab a Gillette, shave that hair and then make your move. For now along with Sundar, Sushil and Susankari, we accept Gillette shaved groom application only.

'This post is a part of #WillYouShave activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette'

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